Home Sweet Home?

So I’m home now. It’s been a frenetic few days, mostly catching up with friends. It’s been pretty great. The weather is killing me though. The humidity and heat will be the death of me. Right now, I’m actually listening to Goljan’s audio pathology lectures, hoping that knowledge will diffuse across passively. This USMLE thing is screwing up my summer, but as many (admittedly, mostly those who have already taken it) have reassured me, it’s good for my future.

To be honest, I know it’s only been 3 or 4 days since I’ve been home, but the longer I’m here, the more I feel like it just isn’t home any more. The only major thing that’s holding me back to Singapore are my friends and family and the food. To be even more specific, just 2 friends actually. And to be even more honest, family is more a neutral or anti-staying factor. I’ve never hid the fact that I don’t feel THAT close to my family. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the immense effort my mum has taken these past 23+ years to raise me and I fully intend to pay my dues. But, for some reason, I just don’t feel that close to her. I do tell her stuff and update her about my life and all that, but there are things that I’d tell my 2 friends before even telling her. And when I’m looking for advice, she wouldn’t be the first person I’d go to. I don’t know, I feel bad that I feel that way, but I can’t help it. And now that I’m home and living in such close proximity again, I long for my 2nd home in Cork. My mum and I are pretty stubborn people who live quite differently and living at home till I’m 35 and able to apply for a flat (assuming I don’t get married) isn’t the most appealing. I think the fact that I don’t have my own room now is also a pretty big factor…

2 years. Singapore has changed quite a bit in that time frame and I suppose I’m not that surprised. Singapore is constantly evolving in a bid to stay competitive in a terrible world economic situation and in relatively hostile conditions. But certain things about my homeland which never used to bother me or at least, I wouldn’t give much thought to, now are push factors. Our notorious angsty driving, the introspective majority, the general apathy of Singaporeans, the proportion of foreigners, the work-life balance (or rather imbalance as it is)… Even things that I used to laud like our famed result-driven “pressure cooker” education system. Each of these deserves a post on its own and I just might for 1 or 2 of them one day.

A cliché often used is “home is where the heart is” and unfortunately, my heart seems to be leaving this country. Don’t get me wrong, I love Singapore and it’s not all bad. In fact there are many good things about Singapore and I have shared about the awesomeness of Singapore to my non-Singaporean friends on several occasions. And I know, if everyone thought like I did, everyone would disappear from this tiny country. Some might say I could use this to try and be a force for change but I can’t explain why that doesn’t appeal to me. I’m not being lazy or apathetic and I just don’t feel like I can or should be the one to do it.

Furthermore, there’s a certain appeal to being a global citizen. I may never fully settle down in one country and might move from one to the next, spending 5-15 years in each. Though at the same time, I’d like to have some kind of permanent base where I could leave stuff that I’m loath to throw away (bit of a hoarder) and have some kind of continuity and permanence amidst my wandering. I don’t think I have wanderlust per se but I do enjoy new experiences and immersing in different cultures. Oh well, we’ll see how things go. I’m still young and things can change.

Homebound

So, in approximately 32hrs, I’ll be leaving the Emerald Isle and heading for home sweet home. I haven’t been home since 2010 summer and to say I’m excited would be an understatement. At the same time, I already feel like I’ll miss Cork. I probably mentioned this in the previous post. But yea, I think it’s just that I’ll miss the people here and the independence I have. To be fair, no one really gets up in my business or bothers me much at home, but it’s just the decreased privacy and slight check on the independence. Oh well, I’m really looking forward to getting back to sunny Singapore, even if I have been contemplating the prospect of not returning home in the long run, but that’s for another post.

I’ve been having a very enjoyable post-exam week and I’m slowly psyching myself up for starting USMLE study. I’ll begin… Eventually. Enough talk of study. I’m brimming with excitement at seeing friends and family after almost 2 years away! And that idiot Andrew, leaving Singapore 2 weeks after I return and only coming back after I fly back to Ireland. Ugh. We’ll work something out with YX.

K. This procrastination has to stop. I have to continue packing! Ta.

60% Doctor

I just finished my last exam as a 3rd Year medical student a day and a half ago. Barring any unexpected events, I just have 2 more years of medical school before being unleashed on to unsuspecting patients. It’s a scary thought. The past couple of weeks have been extremely rough and I discovered that my declining lack of motivation to study hasn’t gone away. And that’s one thing I’ve learnt about myself in the last year and a half that is the most worrying. I do decently enough for exams and tests while doing minimal study (well minimal according to my standards) and most times, I walk into written examinations expecting to pass. All I need to do is to put in that much more effort, the same amount of effort I put in for my A Levels for each exam and I know I’d have a good chance at getting those 1st honours. But these days, I just can’t seem to find the motivation to crack that whip. The days before my pathology and pharmacology exams, I was actually thinking how I’m so unsuited for this profession. We’ll be studying the rest of our lives. I enjoy learning medical stuff, it’s the mind numbing slogging away at memorising the minutiae of all those drugs and diseases that threatens to overwhelm me. This year, more than anything else, made me so grateful that I didn’t make it into NUS medicine. I don’t think I’d have survived.

I’m taking the USMLEs this summer and it’ll require a lot of self discipline which I apparently lack. No matter. Going back to Singapore, where I’ll be reminded every day in every way how amazingly slack I’ve become could be a good push factor. That and the fact that there will be way more studying haunts open to me. My goal this summer is to rediscover that massive mugger lurking deep inside. I have done it for my Os and As and I can do it for the USMLEs and the rest of medical school.

KAP Memories

I just found out that King Albert Park is being redeveloped and the McDonald’s, Cold Storage, Island Creamery and other outlets in the building are closing down. At first I was a bit ambivalent, after all, it is Singapore after all and our skyline changes ever so frequently. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to get lost when I get back after 2 years of being away what with all the new buildings and all. But then nostalgia kicked in and Jason messaged me on Facebook bemoaning the loss of KAP. As he quite aptly puts it, “where will kids@bukittimah do their homework now?” Where indeed?

I have so many memories of KAP, mostly of me in either an all white uniform or a much more homely all grey with shiny buttons one. While I didn’t “mug” exclusively in KAP, a good bit of my O and A Level studying was done on the 1st floor, at one corner of the McDonald’s with a cup of coca cola that will last me the entire day. About half of my project work meetings were conducted in KAP where we spent 75% of the time chatting away and the last 25% quickly deciding what we had to do and delegating it appropriately. It was a convenient meeting point and a hang out spot for us. You could also easily bump into a friend from any one of the other Bukit Timah schools in KAP. In fact, we often spent our entire day there. Oh we didn’t eat MacDonald’s all the time of course, there was sushi or cooked meat from Cold Storage and all the other snacks you could easily get too. Sigh. To be fair, memories of sad, desperate slogging away after failing my A Level preliminary examinations weren’t the fondest but it adds to the character of the place (and all that mugging did pay off eventually). KAP will always be synonymous with mugging and meeting up.

Maybe it’s just sad that we’re old enough to be affected by this. Hmm.

Meh-ish Odds

It goes without saying that I liked the book more than the movie. That in itself is no surprise. I admit I did try to watch the movie without letting the book colour my judgement and while as a whole I was unsuccessful  I think I did manage to glean some slightly “untainted” insights. I’ll do this in 2 parts. There aren’t really any spoilers so as to  speak, so no worries there.

Movie [standalone]
Now, I am trying my best to be as impartial without letting the books affect my judgement of THG as a movie in itself. That said, this is going to be pretty short as that’s neigh impossible. I felt that there was little character development and if I hadn’t read the books, it would have been hard to connect with any of the characters or to pick up on subtle clues about the characters. The action scenes were decent enough I suppose, acknowledging the fact that they were going for a low age rating so that more teenagers (and pre-teens) could watch it. Honestly, I’d have preferred a bit more action and bloodshed; I don’t need gore on the level of Battle Royale or Kill Bill, but it was a bit too clean for the storyline. The cinematography itself was average, nothing absolutely fantastic but nothing too bad about it either. Taking all that into account, 1 word best describes it – MEH. 2.5 stars out of 5.

Movie [vs Book]
I’ve watched clips and trailers so I went into the cinema with very low expectations already. And hooray? The Hunger Games movie adaptation met my expectations. Barely. There are so many things wrong with it that I want to rant about but there was some good stuff, so let’s get to that first.
Good Bits:
1. Effie Trinket, Caesar Flickerman
This was good casting – the actors portraying these 2 characters were pretty much bang on. I loved how Effie even had a bit of the Capitol accent the book describes, especially at the Reaping. The casting for Katniss and Peeta were decent I guess. I don’t have too many complains but I don’t have much praise either. Likewise for the other tributes.
2. Make Up, Most Costumes
These were pretty great as well. I only have 1 complaint which I will talk about later. I especially liked Cinna’s gold eye liner (or is it eye shadow? Mascara? I could never differentiate them) – exactly how I imagined it. The Capitol citizens were also very nicely done as well – all the eccentric costumes and cosmetics  and such. Peeta’s camouflage was also brilliantly done. Watch the movie or look for pictures yourself – it was quite impressive.
4. Stayed Mostly True to the Book
They didn’t change that much and there were some parts they showed that were not explicitly described in the book but mostly implied and I liked that. For example, District 11′s mini-rebellion of sorts, which I think was mentioned in the Mockingjay but not in The Hunger Games. I also wondered how they’d get around all the internal monologue while providing enough information without being too tacky. This again wasn’t too satisfactory but they did some things really well, like how they explained several aspects of the Games by showing it to us from the viewpoint of a Panem citizen watching the Games on the screen.
Annoying Bits:
1. Haymitch Abernathy
NO. Terrible. Totally not how I imagined him. He’s a miserable, old alcoholic with a certain ruthless and reckless streak. The movie tried that for a scene or 2 on the train but he so quickly transformed into this rather suave, clever-advice-dispensing, cunning and slick mentor. I just couldn’t see Suzanne Collins’ Haymitch in the movie.
2. Peeta Mellarck
Overall he was ok. But I hated the initial bit of the movie where I got the impression that he seemed conniving – talking to Haymitch without Katniss, waving to the Capitol citizens as the train pulled into the station etc.
3. President Snow
He reminded me of Colonel Sanders whenever he appeared on screen. I had lunch just before the movie so I wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t sinister or creepily evil enough. It certainly didn’t help that he gave off a KFC vibe. If you look at similar characters from other movies like Saruman from LOTR or Heath Ledger’s Joker from The Dark Knight, they had a unique evil aura about them, something THG movie’s President Snow obviously lacked.
4. Mockingjay Symbol
This is the one that pisses me off the most. I can understand not introducing another character (Madge) to complicate matters. But the mockingjay symbol that Katniss wears is (a) NOT District 12′s symbol, (b) NOT a good luck charm and (c) NOT a symbol of sisterly love. And less importantly, that wearing it into the Arena wasn’t illegal, so what was with all that shushing by Cinna? The Gamemasters allowed her to wear it in. Yea I’m being nit picky. But the mockingjay symbolised so much more. It had huge political connotations as well. Admittedly, I don’t see how they could have explained the entire jabberjays cross breeding with mockingbirds scenario and how it was seen as a sort of middle fingered salute to the Capitol and the fact that the daughter of the Mayor of a district gave it as a gift to Katniss blah blah blah. But desecrating it like that? Unforgivable.
5. Healthy Looking People EVERYWHERE
Especially the Seam. They were dirty but they weren’t bone thin or starving or in rags. The Seam looked too clean, too polished. And why did Katniss and Peeta look pretty much unchanged (save for a few cuts and bruises) at the end of the Games? I know I’m being quite pernickety and I don’t know if I’m asking too much for them to be a bit thinner and ragged. Oh while we’re on that, I expected a much bigger transformation for Katniss – the only thing that really changed when she went to the Capitol was her clothes. She should have been made to look a lot more rugged, dirtier and hairier even in District 12.
6. Avoxes
Where were they? Again, I presume they’re being left out because introducing another caste and characters would be putting too much into the mix. And I can’t really argue that they were absolutely essential. But I think they’d add to the depth of the movie, illustrating another layer to the Capitol’s complete dominance over the citizens of Panem.
7. Certain Scenes
I won’t go into detail but there were some scenes that annoyed me a lot like Caesar interviewing the tributes, the return of the 2 victors to District 12, the not-so-scary mutts and the way they were introduced or Seneca Crane’s discussion with President Snow regarding Katniss after the private session with the Gamemasters. I also didn’t like how they didn’t manage to work a bit more on the Capitol citizens, I didn’t get the feeling that they were as in love with Katniss and Peeta as a couple as was described in the book. While they are superficial, they thoroughly loved the budding romance between the two and I just didn’t get that from the movie.

I’m going to stop there as I was just getting more and more anal retentive. It wasn’t a terrible movie (still way better than Twilight) and it did hit the major plot points. It’s just that all these seemingly small things do add up and in the end I found the movie barely meeting my already low expectations. Like I mentioned earlier, the perfect all-encompassing word for this movie: MEH.

Books vs Movies

So The Hunger Games movie adaptation is coming out in about a week and many are all a twitter about it. I can’t say I’m too excited myself. I did enjoy the trilogy but having seen various trailers and gifs, I’m afraid I’m going to be sorely disappointed. Unfortunately, this isn’t too uncommon with movie adaptation of books, particularly ones that I like. When it comes down to a debate of  books versus movies, there is no contest whatsoever for me. Books win by a landslide. And this picture here actually illustrates my reasons perfectly:

I love how good writers can stimulate my imagination with a tiny bit of guidance to enter into the world that they have created. When I read The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien’s extensive descriptions of Middle Earth and her inhabitants allowed me to see the isolated, mystical beauty of Lothlórien, the yawning depths of the mines of Moria and more; I could feel the strange, unrelenting pull of the One Ring, hear the otherworldly screams of the Nazgûl, smell the fresh crisp air as Frodo awoke in Imladris (or Rivendell)… I got sucked into the world that Tolkien created. And I didn’t need an Enya track to accompany my flights of imagination into Middle Earth. You just don’t get that with movies. Yes there have been absolutely brilliant cinematic masterpieces, but they can’t draw you into their worlds as much as books can.

Now there are exceptions of course. The Lord of the Rings movies were brilliant and one main reason why I love the film (not more than the books though) is because it remained mostly true to the original plot. I understand with time constraints and budgeting and all that jazz that it’s impossible for movies to show every detail and follow the plot 100%. But that doesn’t mean you can change it drastically or cut out important bits, or leave out essential details (Harry Potter movies I’m looking at you). And oddly enough, there is only one movie adaptation that I enjoyed more than the novel itself – Neil Gainman’s Starlight. My only explanation is that while Gainman is an amazing author, his writing style doesn’t really suit me. I’ve read a number of his books and I’ve liked them all, just that they weren’t as easy to read as say, David Eddings’ The Belgeriad series or Raymond E. Feist’s The Riftwar Saga.

My original intention was to blog about the discrepancies and inadequacies I noticed in The Hunger Games movie and the Suzanne Collins’ novel but I decided I shall do so only after watching the full movie. I also wanted to do a short bit about the novel itself but I’ll leave that for when I review the movie. In any case, I think that in today’s world, where instant gratification is available, people are just too lazy to spend a couple of hours immersed in a book. After all, watching a 2hr movie is a lot more efficient than taking a couple of hours to read. It’s a lot less satisfying too.

The Mirror-Blue Night

But there’s nowhere to hide from these bones, from my mind
It’s broken inside – I’m a man and a child
I’m at home with a ghost, who got left in the cold
Who knocks at my peace, with no keys to my soul
- The Mirror-Blue Night, Spring Awakening

Moving Day

So I’ve finally moved my blog over to wordpress after “meaning to” for years. The main reason for switching from blogspot to wordpress is the ease with which I can password protect individual blog posts. I suppose it’ll be good to elucidate a bit more. I guess I’m fairly odd in that while my main purpose for blogging is for myself i.e. it’s an avenue for me to vent and putting my thoughts into words on a screen does sometimes helps me see things clearer, occasionally, I do kind of blog for an audience. I know I can just keep a diary or just type into a word document or just continue blogging on sites like this, but keeping my posts offline/unpublished. But that somehow seems a bit less fulfilling, even though I know most of my posts are never read by anyone else but me. I do post stuff very useful or relevant to the general public once in a blue moon(e.g. my interrailing expenses) but I must admit, 99% of my posts are pure venting/ranting/whining/updating. Once in a while, some of the stuff I want to vent about can be very personal, so I find myself either not posting at all or trying to keep things as vague as possible which can be a chore. Now, with the password function, it’s so much easier.

Ok. That was a huge mess of a paragraph. I’m tired. Just had a 2.5hr ECG lecture that started at 7.30pm, just after trampoline training. It was a brilliant lecture and I learned loads so I feel pretty satisfied with my productivity levels though it could have been a bit higher today. And it’s actually crazy, this was an optional lecture open to all medical students in their clinical years (3rd, 4th & 5th meds) and the lecture theatre was packed to the brim. At 7.30pm. On a Thursday night. Ok it isn’t that surprising but still…

It has been a pretty busy 2 months so far. The first rotation in Tralee went by so quickly and the Epidemiology lecture block(and the 2 week “study break”) went by even quicker. It’s taking me a while to get started on studying but at least I’ve started. I wish I was a lot more self disciplined to really get into the studying thing. As it is, I’m getting by decently but I know I can do so much better if I just put in the effort. Story of my life. Ugh.

Well this has been a terribly banal and absolutely uninspiring post. There were actually a couple of things I wanted to rant about that would have been at least a bit more interesting but lazing around and watching Scrubs and Community reruns seemed a bit more enjoyable. Heh.

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2011

It’s been a long tiring year and honestly, I can’t recall another time I’ve felt so mentally exhausted at this time of the year. But then, it was a pretty good year in terms of new experiences. Last night a couple of us were just chatting about random stuff while waiting for a taxi and Vincent asked me to think of 5 adjectives to describe 2011. These are the 5 I thought of- exhausting, frustrating, disappointing, new and interesting. If you’re keeping count, yes there are more negatives than positives there. Overall it hasn’t been the best of years for me and I’m looking forward to 2012.

I could probably go on and explain those adjectives but I don’t think I will. I didn’t blog very much this year, partially due to laziness, no time and also cos I didn’t want it to turn into a whine-fest. It wasn’t all bad and I’ve had some brilliant experiences this year – mostly during the summer. Incidentally, its also the first year where I chose not to return home (I didn’t have a choice in Shanghai – I was just a kid).

I guess it’s pretty sad that I’m blogging this late on New Year’s Eve instead of rocking it out at some party. And contrary to popular belief in some quarters, I’m not THAT popular and I am actually more of a homebody. Well in Ireland at least. I also don’t have the mood to be out celebrating the end of this year with others right now. For some reason, it feels just right to be alone tonight, stewing in my own thoughts, reviewing the memorable events of 2011 – both good and bad, figuring out a bit of the future and thinking about what I’m bringing to Tralee in just 2 days.

I know no one’s going to be reading this any time soon anyway but just in case, I won’t continue just so that my melancholy doesn’t put a downer on anyone’s festive mood. HAPPY NEW YEAR!